Learning to take better care of oneself is not selfishness. We are being constantly being pulled this way and that because of commitments, how can we engage in better self-care?
There are too many nice people in the world today…or so it might seem, with the number of “yes” folks we run into on a daily basis. However, what about the lesser heard “evil sibling”, the word NO?
We were generally raised to be considerate to others, and to accommodate them as much as possible. How do we know exactly when enough is enough? And more importantly, are we saying no to ourselves by saying yes to others every time? Chances are that is exactly what we are doing, even if only subliminally.
Wondering when is the time for us to use our “NOs” effectively? We’ve got that covered!
Stressed Out!
Not being able to say no can greatly contribute to elevated stress and real quick! Doing too much feelings of overwhelm cause and add to chronic stress, and people who cannot say no are usually the first to fall victim.
It is important to understand our own boundaries and limitations, and while helping others is important, we have to take care of ourselve first.
This means sometimes saying no to friends and family, in order to maintain an optimal level of health and wellness for ourselves.
Obliged!
This is by far the most common cause of resentment in persons, since they are basically “forced” to say yes whether or not they want to. Maybe the person asking did a major favor for us in life, maybe it is a family member.
We feel a sense of obligation to always be on beck and call for whatever that person requests of us, but we need to ask ourselves “when is my bill paid in full?” Will we continue to feel a forced sense of obligation forever?
This constant obligatory situation builds resentment, and resentment can literally make us physically ill!
Let them know we have to put ourselves first, by doing what we need to do. If an issue arises, it may be best to sever ties and remove a toxic person from our life.
Partying!
Maybe we have a need to fully unwind after a tiring week’s work, so we are constantly partying. However, there is absolutely no justification for staying out late and drinking on a weekday when we have responsibilities to meet the next morning! It is more than likely the result of friends asking or guilting us out even though our better sense says no.
We are not doing ourselves any favors as we will be sleep deficient the following day, not to mention likely hungover and miserable. Saying yes to parties, is saying no to our well-being.
Condoning!
It has happened to all of us before, from a kid asking for something, hearing no and slowly breaking you down, to much worse influences on our life.
From friends begging us for a loan, to unnecessary spending, while it may seem ok or insignificant at the time, it enables bad behavior and disrespect over the long haul.
When we say no, it needs to stay that way. We will gain infinite respect for having unbendable beliefs and will be looked at as a pillar of strength.
Silence Kills!
There have undoubtedly been numerous times when we sit quietly while something (or someone) boils our blood to the point of an eruption, yet we show no outward emotions. This can range from a boss berating us in the office, a bully, or a random stranger who finds it appropriate to assert their dominance over us.
By allowing it, we are doing just that, rolling over and assuming the fetal position. Let us open our mouths, demand our respect and speak for what we believe in.
Conclusion
NO is not a bad word. It has been criminalized via society and the illusion that things must be ok all the time. We may end up resenting ourselves for being weak, and not ever doing what we want to do by allowing others to walk over us. We should engage in self-care, to look after ourselves first before we look after anyone else, lead by example!